Why Love is not Enough?
1. Communication and openness.
It’s always been hard for humans to communicate properly in any area of life. We all have this idea.
That is how we would be seen or judged by our listeners, and based on this mental picture, we already know how we would be perceived and how another person would respond. But in most cases, it’s just our mind playing games. Communication becomes even more complicated when it comes to romantic relationships. It looks like a battlefield when you want to confess your needs to your partner; your mind fills up all the “what ifs” in the world. Fear is another factor that prevents us from communicating; we don’t want to look needy or vulnerable.
Loving someone means giving him/her authority over yourself; that idea is already very scary, but if we have to confess that we really love someone, we must be open. We need to let them in, down our guard .When we share something not so good in our life with them, and be empathic. If you were them, you would be as embracing, understanding, and loving as much as you are expecting your partner to be.
A Study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that effective communication is one of the most critical factors in relationship satisfaction and longevity. Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and dissatisfaction, indicating that Love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship(Markman, Stanley,& Blumberg, 2010
So next time you have to share a secret or something unpleasant with your partner or lover, trust that Love can endure more than you expect. When you expect your partner to be kind with you, keep in mind that if in the future your partner happens to be in the same situation as you are today, you will behave and act as you are expecting him to behave, and simple intention will make everything go smooth.
2. Mutual Purpose, shared Values and Goals.
If your core values are similar, chances are you will be together in a relationship longer than the people with their goals, values, and aims. Sometimes, even their kids become their mutual project, and these people are less likely to get divorced. Not only kids but any mutual purpose make people stick together. Before coupling, try to know your co-values, and consider if you enjoy doing something together. After honeymoon phase, platonic activities would be something you both would like to explore.
Research proves that Love may bring people together, but shared values and mutual goals help them stay together (Luo & Klohnen)
So Create, build, craft a legacy together and be sure that your create a solid foundation for Love to thrive and survive.
3. Overcoming Conflicts and Disagreements.
Per a Study in the Journal of Family Psychology, resolving conflicts effectively is crucial for relationship success. Love alone cannot overcome unresolved conflict, which can accumulate and lead to relationship breakdowns. (Gottman & Levenson, 2000).
Conflicts, disagreements, and arguments are not only limited to lovers, friends, and partners; almost anyone you start living with, share space with, or share anything will definitely experience these scenarios. It’s important to learn how to have a fight or argument with your partner. Avoiding deep conversations because of the fear of confrontation or conflict is not advisable. Your pending, unexpressed emotions are more dangerous than the ones you express, even in the form of an outburst of anger.
Julie Schwartz’s book Fight Right is a must-read for those who want to know how to fight with loved ones and develop an even more profound connection with their partner or lover.
In everyday life we don’t say express our deepest emotions and needs but in fight we feel a sort of freedom to say whatever we want to say and thus we say things we were trying to hide because we already knew that they have a potential element to start a fight.
If you love someone, you must know how he behaves when he is not centered and calm, how long he takes to reach his normal state of mind, and what his maximum limit is. Surely, love can’t do it, but you can do it,, because you want, by all means, to have a fulfilling and nurturing relationship with this person. He also should be given this idea and he must also know that your Love doesn’t make you an angel and you also sometimes can behave abnormally. After every fight your relationship will become strong and you would accumulate even more trust in your Love.
4. Emotional intelligence and Love.
A Study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that emotional intelligence, which includes skills like empathy, Self-regulation, and social skills, significantly impacts relationship quality. Emotional intelligence helps partners navigate the complexities of a relationship beyond Love.
Empathy means to see a situation or something with the eyes of your partner or lover. You become more understanding and embrace flaws more readily while observing and feeling the situation from other person’s perspective. Maybe you were born into a rich family with abundant money, and you never noticed any price tag. But your lover or partner was raised in a middle-class family, and throughout his whole life, he has molded and tailored all his needs to his afford. Now you find it very annoying that he keeps looking for price tag even you never expected him to pay, but if you see what he had endured, you might not feel as frustrated as you were feeling when you were not looking at the situation with empathy.
Conclusion
Love is Beautiful, no doubt but its like a small plant needs care, water, nutritiens and right environment.
If you do not look after it, there will be weeds and unwanted extra plants around it. If God has blessed you with Love, you are lucky, but it doesn’t mean you don’t need to do anything. You and your lover both have to put mutual effort into keeping it fresh and lively. Without Love, life feels like a day after day responsibility so you must strive hard to maintain your heartfelt connections, you must take time out of your life to take care of your love life. About Love, my final words are
“It’s better to become a keeper than a seeker.” Keeping what you have is more valuabe; seeking is worthless because humans behave similarly “.